In the aftermath of the candidates' March 3 Detroit donnybrook debate, Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus called for the party to implement an affirmative action plan. "We started the race with 15 presidential candidates," Priebus said, "including governors, senators, two businesspeople, and a professional. We even had a black dude and some womenfolk -- okay, one woman -- in the race. But an important segment of the party is woefully underrepresented. Only six adults started, and we're now down to just one, or two if Dr. Carson is still running." Priebus observed that historically adult-minded voters had provided all of the GOP's funding and nearly 2/3 of its voting support. "People want to vote for people who look and act like they do," Priebus said, "but we've got only one candidate catering to the emotionally mature. We're kicking butt in the 5-10 segment, but high approval ratings from preschoolers won't translate into votes until 2032, when Chelsea Clinton leaves office. We can't wait 16 years to bring the grownup demographic back under the big tent." Priebus said the RNC would announce its affirmative action plan by April 1.
Priebus also announced that in the remaining Republican debates, the candidates will have to keep their hands in their pockets.