Our Man in New Mexico sends a story from today's Albuquerque Journal about two 18-year-olds who went to a nightclub and enjoyed lap dances for two hours each (82 dances between them), then were shocked to find out that each dance cost $30 and that their total bill was $2,460. They had $50 in cash and a $500 credit card limit, and couldn't pay. The club filed a complaint, and the local police arrested them on felony charges of obtaining services valued at over $250 on false pretenses.
Our M. in N.M. asks a number of legal questions, and some picturesque factual questions, about how this situation came to pass. The author of the news story, not being interested in the philosophical questions that engage our M. in N.M., simply says that the two youths should have paid more attention in math class. I noted that, based on the numbers in the news story, each dancer provided about one dance every three minutes, or 20 dances per hour, for a gross fee of about $600 per hour. (That's considerably more than what I charge for my time, but then I don't dance and I take longer than three minutes per customer.)
Then it struck me ("Oh, no," says Mrs. Laquedem). The Oregon pattern is to forbid immoral activity, then to grudgingly tolerate it (in the past with the help of la mordida), then to convert it into a source of revenue for the state,as with alcohol, racetrack betting, and video slots. ("Oh, no," says Mrs. Laquedem again, seeing where this is headed.) Consider: a person playing video poker at moderate speed might play 5 hands per minute, or 300 hands per hour. If each hand costs 25 cents, then the machine grosses $75 per hour. Out of this $75, perhaps $30 is paid back in prizes and some more in commissions to the landlord. Maybe the state makes $20 per hour per machine after paying its other costs.
When I worked out that the lap dancers of Albuquerque were grossing $600 per hour -- as much as eight video poker machines -- it occurred to me that the State of Oregon has at hand a potential revenue source which offers a number of social benefits at least equal to those provided by video poker. The Oregon supreme court has recognized that exotic dancing is a form of speech protected under the Oregon constitution, and the state could provide safe places in which this form of speech could be practiced, unlike the disreputable venues which currently serve as marketplaces for these ideas. The job creation would disproportionately benefit younger people with little work experience. And the revenue is not to be overlooked, as it could easily restore our public schools to full funding. Some cooperation between the regulators of this new revenue source and the Oregon Liquor Control Commission would increase alcohol sales and the concomitant state revenues.
Farfetched? The state has already made the decision to profit from the weaknesses of its citizens, whom it simultaneously protects and exploits. And collectively we're not willing to go back to honest taxation.
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